Far too easily could my story be misconstrued as one of sorrow and pain if gazing upon it no deeper than surface level. Look to the light, the hope, the love.

– From Chemistry With Kismet by Monica Anderson

Chemistry is both a scientific field of study as well as a psychological interaction between two people. In science Chemistry seeks to identify the properties of different substances and determine how they interact with each other in order to create new substances. In psychology, it is how two people work together mentally, emotionally, and oftentimes sexually to form a union and partnership. Most people are aware of both these meanings of Chemistry. Kismet, on the other hand, in a sense flies in the face of Chemistry, and is simply fate, the unseen, unexplainable, unknown that we are all walking through our lives living.

These two words seem oppositional in nature, as though putting them together would create an oxymoronic concept filled with duality. Chemistry is the How, whereas Kismet is the Why. Putting these two together, working with both ends in balance and harmony, create the possibility of Possibilities.

Example: Do you know why you met the person who hurt you? Do you know how you met them? Okay, so the first one is the harder to sort out, start with the chemistry of it. How did you meet this person? Tell the story. Now look deeper into that story. What were you feeling, what were you thinking, what point were you at in life? This is creating Chemistry. The why of it generally is always going to be the same, either you met the person because you were meant to for your growth, their growth, or for something to come from that interaction, or you met the person because you were meant to learn a lesson from the interaction to prepare you for something greater.

Example: You planned your entire future; you could visualize every single aspect of it. Lightning bolt of kismet hits and suddenly, absolutely nothing within that original vision, nothing within your set of expectations has occurred the way you planned. You were going to be a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, a scientist, a coach, just something, now you are sitting, alone, and feeling like you are not something, but rather nothing. What happened? Looking back on your younger self, you wonder, where did she go? How did I get here? How did I get here? That is your important question. Now you can start your journey. How did you get to that spot? What choices did you make? Did you follow your heart, or did you listen to this person or that person? When you were given options, which did you choose? Why did you choose the options and actions you took? Why did you choose the options and actions you took? See, you’re starting to get the concept now.

Having Chemistry with Kismet, you must first be still. Stop with your pushing for this answer, this result, this knowledge. Stop. Just stop. If you are meant to know, you will know. That is the first thing that matters. You have decided to heal. You set an intention into the Universe. Maybe you didn’t realize that is what you did, but you did. I did the same thing.

On my 33^rd birthday I wrote down a list of goals for the year. Most of which were doing things for other people, making this crochet project, or that one. Finally finishing Supernatural (I never seem to get much further than the 6^th season without losing interest and patience) and convince David to let me get one more cat (he is not a cat person, our house is already chaotically jammed with animals and children, but I wanted one more, needed the triple play, and I got it!). There were three items on that list that seemed to be the most challenging feats of my life, and I put them down to conquer in the next year: overcome my fear and anxiety through identifying and overcoming my PTSD triggers, love myself more and beat myself up less, and write a book. In the action as simple as writing those three things down, I set an intention with my soul. The universe listened, almost as if just waiting for me to decide I was ready. When that happened, when I showed up, when I made my desire to heal the wounds I refused to heal, the Universe, the Divine, and a whole host of angels erupted in joyful pleasure.

Seriously guys, I can see the image in my head. A whole host of people and forces greater than I, cheering louder than a hockey mom when her son makes a goal (if you don’t know what I mean, go to a high school hockey game, there are very few sports moms who are more passionate than those with sons in hockey). “It’s about time!” “She finally decided!” “Time to get to work!” All the love and support pouring forth from sources I had barely given much thought to before, at least not beyond what I would read in YA novels. Now, they are on my mind on a daily basis. Sometimes is a beautifully joyful manner, sometimes in a pain-induced anguish of a cry, but not a day passes where I don’t think about those higher powers who are helping me fulfill those intentions to a completion far quicker than I anticipated. They taught me, and are still teaching me, how to have Chemistry with Kismet. They are waiting for you as well. All you have to do is take the first step forward into stillness.

When you are going through the healing process in life, you have to make a decision: do you want to understand and move forward, or do you want to keep carrying burdens that should simply be lessons for your growth? Everyone is uniquely different, yet everyone has one thing in common: free-will. We all get to choose.

Choose whether the story of our lives is the one we want told, or if it is time to change the storyline to something greater. This is the crossroads I found myself at recently, a crossroads that only I had within me the power to choose which path I would take. Did I really want to continue to suffer from anxiety, depression, and illnesses or did I want to heal? I would love to say that the decision I made was entirely self-less, that I chose to heal for this person or that, but truthfully, I didn’t want to continue being who I was. I didn’t want to find myself on my deathbed, ruing all the things in life I never accomplished, complaining perpetually about those who wronged me, and playing the victim.

No, not I. I am stronger than that, and I knew it. I chose to heal. I chose to have Chemistry with Kismet, to play and dance with fate versus remaining in the dark. The journey was not an easy undertaking, but it was the only one for me, and once I came to the other side of one leg of the healing process, I took to writing. Pouring word after word out on paper, trying to make sense of everything. Through that I started to break things down piece by piece until I could finally, well and truly, see. See with clarity the things that I had experienced, own the part I played in all of it, and understand that there are forces greater than I working through everything in the world, and there is no sense in fighting them, so why not work with them.

As with all things of this nature, when trying to share my experiences with others, they asked me what I did, what I changed, what happened. I seem so different. So much freer. So carefree. Of course, that is not always the case, I am still living a human existence and as such I experience the full spectrum of emotions. I simply have learned how to pull myself from the ones that no longer serve the life I am living, nor the person I truly am. It does not mean I do not feel them. It is important for you to know that. It is important for you to remember, no matter what religion you are, that you are a Divine being within a human body, and one of your purposes in this life is to experience this life. Feel it, see it, take in the beauty, and really, truly, live.

Stop. Just stop. I know that you could formulate a million arguments against that statement. That’s not what the bible says. I am living my life. I don’t feel Divine. It’s easy for you to say, Monica, you don’t know what I have been through. A myriad of thoughts and arguments, all of which are going to come from some little voice inside your head, but not your true inner voice. None of those things matter, because those arguments are all simply a defense mechanism for your ego, trying to prevent change. Change can be scary. Why? Because it is throwing yourself into the vast unknown. Been there, done that, know the fear. Did it anyway. Even when I argue against myself, fight against myself, and self-sabotage, I still have a strength and light within my heart and soul that stands up, brushes off the dust, and says, “Okay, listen here, this is what needs to happen, so this is what is going to happen, and if I have to baby step you forward to this, then damn it, that is what I am going to do.”

You want to make a change? You want to heal? Do it! Stand back up, dust yourself off, sit your ego down in your mind, and lovingly tell him or her that you understand he or she is trying to protect you, you understand they are scared, but this is not something to be fearful about. This is something to step into who you are, what you are meant to do, who you are meant to be, and continue moving forward in life. Everyone feels weak from time to time. Everyone has to face disappointments and failures, but what if I told you that you have never once failed anything in your life? Nope, you really haven’t. Every perceived failure is a successful learning experience. And yes, that is the absolute truth. I don’t lie. It is the number one rule in my house and in my life. Always tell the truth. The truth may hurt, you may get in trouble for wrongdoing, but it is never more damaging than to tell a lie. So stand in the truth, own it, live it, love it.

When I began my journey, my personal transformation, I did not set down a list of things to do and not to do. I did not follow this guru or that guru. I shed all preconceived notions of faith, religion, and beliefs in the Divine, and in myself. I had to surrender because something needed to give. Stepping back at the end of the first wave of healing, I started to see a set pattern of behaviors that later I was able to see were my steps along the healing journey of my mind.

From the blog

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With Gratitude, Monica