Life Lessons with Monica: Lessons from the Full Moon
Ah the sweet surrender of the final full moon of 2020 landing in Cancer. The first full moon of the last six months in which I have not been a complete and utter ball of anxiety, anger, and mix of warring emotions. Why you may ask? Simply because the final full moon landed her beautiful self in my zodiac sign: Cancer. Where I usually am overwhelmed with sadness or anxiety, riddled with past insecurities, or filled to overflowing with emotions I have no recollection of the source of, last night was one in which I felt joy, potential, hope, and above all love.
I spent my 2020 in a state of continual cyclical purging, traversing dark nights of the soul, coming out shiny and new, solely to repeat the cycle. I released many traumas, many pains, relived memories I had squirrelled away in the back of my mind, locked in a safe, wrapped in chains, encased in cement, and allowed to sink to the depths of my inner mind’s Lake of Repression. These arose, breaking free of the bounds of which I placed upon them starting from the last twenty years of my life, spreading back to the earliest memories of my childhood. Let me tell you, when you are going through this process, this divestment of things you have carried, there comes a time when you awake to the realization, those are the things, unbeknownst to you, that have been your Atlas struggle. These are why you feel you must carry so much upon your shoulders, weighed down, beaten down, perpetually weakened.
Moments you decide that sharing shall cause more harm than good, thus you put them under the category of “Take to my Grave,” and you playact as though these are not experiences and memories you have been carrying throughout regardless. This is a toxic self-sabotage practice that, for some, will come to a head whether or not you intend for it. You will find yourself in a seemingly mundane moment of life, such as in the shower, and suddenly you are flooded with memories, your emotions returning to how they were at the moment of occurrence, yet within you, there is a strength. Harness your inner strength during these moments. This is not the Divine coming to punish you for your secrets, nor is it the “Devil” coming to further torture you and impede your progress in life, this is your own soul’s way of teaching you a lesson that you need in that moment. These are the lessons that will facilitate growth in your life.
No one can dictate how you choose to handle the purging that occurs with inner growth and stepping into Spirituality of your own, and I am not here to tell you what you have to do, what you are doing wrong, nor what you are doing right. You will know within yourself if the steps you are taking are the ones that will serve you and your higher self, your purpose here in the world, and your journey in this life. Only you. That is a knowledge and understanding that comes from within. What I can do for you however, is share a few of the ways I was able to get through each of my journeys into the Dark Nights and the ways I recovered from what I learned.
*Disclaimer: Similar to a collective tarot reading, what I am sharing is not for everyone. It is not meant to elicit a sense of requirement of religious or spiritual belief change, nor is it to say that this is the only way to handle it. Take what resonates with you, leave the rest behind.
#1: Talk It Out
Okay, so you decided these are things you are never going to share right? So why the hell would you suddenly decide to talk it out? Because in order to release, you have to ACTUALLY RELEASE. Write it down, talk to someone, talk to God/Source, call upon angels and talk to them, talk to your ancestors, talk to your loved ones who have passed from this life to the next. Get the toxic karmic grip to relinquish your mind, heart, body, and soul. This is how I found profound relief.
I consider myself incredibly blessed to have both a devoted husband who has heard all the deep, dark secrets of my life, and supportingly loves me through every resurgence of those moments in my mind and heart. I also have an amazing therapist, and I will tout the benefits of regular therapy for anyone and everyone who may feel as though they have no one to talk to in their lives, who suffer from any mental health disorder, or who just feel like they need help. There are professionals out there who have spent years getting the proper education and licensure so they can go out into the world and help heal other people, so UTILIZE THEM! Do you have a best friend, the kind that you can pour your heart out to, the kind that you can call at 3 am, drunk, crying, and tell them anything and know without a doubt that they will never betray nor vilify you, but only love you? Call your friend.
If you genuinely feel as though you have no physical person to serve as a confidante, journal that shit. Get it out in writing, get it out in drawing, painting, whatever medium serves you. Decide if you want to keep that as a means of being able to remind yourself of where you came from, how far you have traversed, and what you have overcome to be who you are, or if you got it out now need to get it gone. If the latter is applicable, burn it, shred it, run it over with your car over and over until you feel content with simply throwing it in the garbage. Do whatever self-cleansing ritual for this that feels right to you. These are your demons, your burdens you have been carrying for too long, so you do you. Do what you need to do to feel as though they are no longer within you, no longer lingering with malice and hostility in your body, and no longer holding you back from being yourself.
If you believe in a higher power, if you believe in angels, fairies, or you are someone that has connections to your ancestors, talk to them. They are all with you, all the time. They love you without judgement nor condition, thus nothing you utter will ever sway the love and support you have from them. In this manner, also take to heart the knowledge that they already know, have been beside you, unseen, unheard, but lending you strength, resilience, and love during these times. You are never truly alone, and they are patient enough for you to find this fact out on your own. You have always and will always be loved and protected, cared for and looked after, and they will always stand beside you when you are making a change to be a better person, to make amends for wrongdoing, to forgive transgressors against you, and help you to heal all wounds of your mind, body, and soul.
#2: Meditate! Breathe! Then Meditate some more!
“I can’t meditate because I have_______” now fill in the blank with whatever you tend to use as an argument. For me it was ADHD, anxiety, kids, dogs, cats, chores, too much to do, a headache, bad memory, lack of ability to visualize, even using the religious upbringing I had to excuse it as a means of associating with another religion. All of these things are erroneous. They are all fallacies told by my ego to stop me from making any sort of progress forward in my Spirituality, in my healing process, and in my life. It is all simply manners of self-sabotage. Meditation does not have to be sitting in this or that specific position, it does not have to be about religion. Your anxiety ridden mind, your ADD/ADHD does not serve to prevent you from doing anything.
Wake up in the morning, get yourself out of bed, then sit, stand, or lie down, and stop. Close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Quiet your mind. Don’t do this by attempting to stop thoughts from occurring, this will only cause mental strain, tension in the body, and alleviation will not be found. Instead, let the thoughts occur, and pay them no mind. Don’t engage, don’t react. The longer you train yourself to do this, the easier it is to shift from active to passive ways of being. Meditation is relaxing, relieving, illuminating, and rejuvenating in so many ways. Meditation and mindfulness have served to alleviate physical pain throughout my body. They have set me on a course of inner healing which has brought about a dramatic shift in my physical health.
I don’t shout about the benefits of meditation for no reason here, I do it because I have experienced life both without it, as well as with it being key in my day to day life. I fought tooth and nail against any and every suggestion to meditate. Preferring to remain at a lower vibration, stuck in the victim mindset, and allowing others to take advantage of me, to use and abuse me, and never standing up for myself. Done in a large way because I could not quiet my Ego, you know, that self-serving jack ass sitting upon a throne of lies and traumas, whispering to you all the ways you deserve that person throwing you across a room and into a wall because you are ugly, worthless, pathetic, etc. That tyrant who tells you that you were passed over for the promotion you desired and were qualified for because the person hired instead was younger, more attractive, more appealing, smarter, than you were, and thereby shattering any attempt to build yourself up. Allowance of this reign of terror within the mind, seeps into the soul, and through the body. Before I found meditation, before I embarked upon this journey, I was in daily pain so severe I was on two different muscle relaxants, Fibromyalgia diagnosis, no immune system, throwing one infection after the other, developed arthritis, cervical stenosis, on daily steroids, and getting shots in my abdomen and neck of lidocaine and steroid cocktails to try to curtail the pain throughout my entire body. The worse the pain became, the more I fought with not being able to meditate. Until I woke up one day and decided, there is a pandemic going on, I cannot go to the doctor’s office any longer because the risk is to high for my health, so I needed a different treatment course.
This was the point in my life that I found meditation and mindfulness. It is also when I began to awaken to my Spirituality and my journey into the rest of my life. I began small, using guided meditations on streaming apps like Spotify, Insight, and YouTube. Getting small doses of relief, mixed with inner frustration with the fact that I didn’t fully understand visualization nor how to do this. Making a choice to stick with the decision to try new therapies, I was not willing to give up. I am not a master at meditating by any means, but my ability to stop, slow my mind, slow my heart, and visualize increases every day. The results I have found (*secondary disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. My results cannot be used as a medical treatment, nor are they to establish this will be everyone’s results.) within my life and my physical and emotional health have been astronomically beneficial. I am no longer on pain medications, I have stopped taking my steroids, I have not had a significant illness nor been on antibiotics for nearly three months (trust me when I tell you that this is a feat of monumental proportions), and the tachycardia that I suffered for the last three years has seemingly vanished. My doctor is amazed at the changes that something as simple as taking fifteen minutes out of my day to sit and meditate has done for my body. I cannot emphasize enough just what mindfulness and meditation has done in my personal life, and truly believe, if you commit to the possibility and belief that it will help you, that you will truly find that in the practice.
#3: Get Creative!
Ah, blessed creativity. What a beautiful dance there is with creativity when you simply open yourself to receiving and creating. There are so many different forms of creativity, it is not simply the arts, i.e. writing, painting, drawing, but rather there are so many ways to find that creative spark within yourself. Paint a wall in your house, see how the flow of the room, the emotions you had when walking into the room now shift and change to something completely different. You have created a new room in that simple act. Rearrange the furniture in your bedroom, living room, office, whatever room you spend a lot of time in. Get plants, and litter your living area with nature. Start a new video game, set out to accomplish some sort of goal within your gameplay. Sit down with your children (if you have them) and play a game, have a conversation, tell each other stories. These are all forms of creativity. You are creating something that was not there prior.
There are many people who read tarot cards and oracle cards, post videos on social media, read for those who watch without meeting them in person. The messages they share, the readings they give, those are creating a form of possibility, psychological understanding and growth, and hope within the people who are listening. Even the most negative card spreads come with a sense that there are others out there who are struggling and gift the listener with a sense of community and togetherness they may not have discovered otherwise. Go on Pinterest, make a new board based on some sort of hobby or interest you have. When you make the board, the button you hit is “Create.”
Creativity is swirling in the air all around us. It is something that we do every single time we make something that brings to ourselves and/or to others a higher sense of self, deeper understanding, comfort in the darkness, and brings people to a place in life they have been longing for. Creativity, when joined in the beautiful dance, creates harmony, peace, and possibility. I create in many ways. I write, I sing, I dance, I crochet, I cook, I spend time making memories with my family. I create on a daily basis, and that continues to grow the more that I do it. Though I do some of it for others, all of it is done for myself, for my healing, for my progress forward. All it takes is openness.
These are merely a few of the things that I have utilized over the last year to heal my Self. Everyone is different, so you may find that there are things that work better for you, things that elicit the salve to the wounds of your inner child, the wounds of your past and present, the wounds of your soul. Your healing journey, it is a benevolent masterpiece. It is beautiful, even if there are moments of ugliness. It is there for you to release and move forward. The full moon in Cancer was all about forward progress. It was about shedding and divesting those parts of you that were causing your inner world harm. If you were overcome with past emotions over the last week or so, if you feel drained yet hopeful in a manner you do not fully understand, I encourage you to not even try. You’re healing. Accept and let the puzzle pieces fall together in the timing they are meant to. If this has sparked curiosity into Astrology, go get your star natal chart done, find out what your houses, your planetary placements, your signature signs, and your nodes, lilith, and chiron are placed. These are things you can utilize along your journey inward. Allow for understanding to flow into you that due to free-will we all choose how to handle our circumstances, thus these star charts may be simply a cautionary tool. Or you may be like me, chart it, not knowing what to expect, and reading a detailed planetary explanation for all the unexplainable things within.
I hope that you found the release within the Cold Moon, the last Full Moon in my beloved Cancer sign. I hope you have relinquished the old ways of being that no longer help you or others for the better. Did you have an interesting, emotional, or relieving experience? Share in the comments below!