Life Lessons with Monica: The Hidden Teachings in Death
Just as much as birth is a part of the journey in life, so too is death. We know that this is the truth, but when death strikes, especially when it is unexpected, sudden, or when it is a child, there is a natural human reaction to question what the purpose of the moment is. I was one of those people for much of my life. I have a close connection with death, something that once plagued me. My first deeply impactful brush with death was when I was ten-years-old, on the side of a highway, not fully grasping that the lifeless body on the ground of my father wasn’t going to miraculously be revived, stand up, and laugh it off as though it was all a grand cosmic joke. Want a dose of truth? That feeling, that expectation of wrongness and illusion upon the death of a loved one never fully went away. It has been at least a month, if not more, since my dog had to be put down. She was only six, and I was right next to her the entire time, apologizing for not being able to save her, for not knowing she was going to die, for not working a miracle for her, and for not having the choice between saving and losing her. I still have moments in which I expect her to be there when I open the door, when I wake up in the morning, and when I lay my head down at night.
Sometimes, when trauma hits in youth, your reaction as a child becomes the pattern of reactionary thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that you continue on in life. This is not to say that it is wrong, but there is a need for evolution and maturation in how we think, feel, and respond to situations in life, just like there is a need for evolution and maturation of our personalities, thought processes, and souls. It took me until this spring to really sit down and evaluate just what the meaning of death, loss, disease, hardships, and my reactions to them are within my life and my spiritual evolution. I hit a point when I was feeling small, powerless, hopeless, diminished, and broken to my core. Why would my dog be put down? Why did my dad have to die? Why do kids get cancer? Why? Why? Why?
I am not a perfect person by any means. I stumble, I fall, I crumble to the ground. I react poorly without thinking first, and I whine and complain at times of what is so wrong with the world, myself, the life I am living versus the one that I want to be living, and the seeming injustice of the world. First, if you are like this, know that I understand, you are not alone, and you are not wrong for your feelings. All feelings are right, because they all serve to teach us something about ourselves and the way that we view the world, and the way that we view the Divine in turn. We find ourselves feeling invisible, unloved, and unheard. I have been there, I don’t doubt that there will be times in which I go back to that place again, but I have learned a lot about that place, and it all tends to stem from the loss that I dealt with as a child. No one is perfect. Do not allow the views you have of others when you are looking in from the outside to make you feel as though you aren’t doing the right thing. What matters is what you do with yourself when you are in that place.
Questioning things is a natural way of being. It is what makes us dig a little deeper. That is not always the easiest thing to remember when you are in a deep sadness due to death. Sometimes you go into a cocoon of pain and anguish and find it difficult to hear the answers that are trying to be given to you in those moments. This too easily can lead to even further questioning, discord, and a lot of the time anger. You get angry because someone you loved is no longer in the world, you are sad, lost, in pain, and crying out to the heavens and there is no response. This is inaccurate, though in the moment, you won’t be able to realize it. Your brain, your thoughts are flying at a million miles a moment, trying to make sense of something that isn’t meant to make any sense, but meant to make you feel, experience, and then grow. Ask all the questions you need to, all you feel burning within your heart and soul, write them down, shout them to the heavens, get them out of you. When you are done, let yourself grieve. Allow time to mourn, to process, to feel. Don’t turn to anger and resentment, because when you get into that state, you repress your actual emotions and you aren’t allowing answers and understanding to come to you.
Spirit, your guides, your angels, they are all on standby waiting to bring you signs, messages, synchronicities. Whatever you need at the time that you need it so that you will open your heart to receiving the truth, receiving healing, and find the strength to keep moving forward in the midst of the loss. Anger, hostility, confusion, resentment, all these emotions cloud your heart and mind from the possibility that there was a greater purpose at work. Because of these natural, human emotions, I am coming today to share the insights that took me 23 years to find. Not as a means of circumventing the journey you are walking on, but because I believe that in life, Spirit works to bring forth messages through words, songs, actions, numbers, a variety of means that we are unable to hear for ourselves. This means that if you are reading this, it has come into your life because there is a part of you that needs to hear the messages written here. What part you need to hear is going to be specific to you, only you will know what message you take from this, what seed is planted in your subconscious and in your heart from reading these words. I am simply the middle man in all of this, and blessed to be so. So please, take a moment to take a deep breath, and open your mind, and your heart to the message that is coming to you from the heart.