Life Lessons with Monica: Narcissists, Empaths, Rage into Righteous Indignation, Quelling the Fire
Anyone who knows me can tell you very clearly that I am an Empath. Harder still, I am an Intuitive Empath, and have to regularly interact with a Narcissist. There is a level of losing oneself in the behaviors and attitudes of the people you have to interact with when you are an Intuitive Empath, and this requires a lot of work to maintain a separation of energy and especially emotions. In a normal everyday interaction this work is not usually an issue for me. I am careful about protecting my energy, I do the blocking that I need to while allowing myself to be authentic, kind, and giving. In essence, I allow myself to be MYSELF. When that happens others respond in turn with their own kindness and giving natures. It brings out the best in both parties. This is not seemingly possible when dealing with narcissists, particularly when the narcissist you are dealing with has lost his/her control over the empath and now is nothing but vicious, malicious, and self-involved. The level of rage that flows off of a person like that, when you are not fully prepared to block the energy, can be overpowering. It takes allowing oneself to process the emotions, holding yourself back from reactions, and allowing the emotions to settle and responding as frankly unemotional as possible.
Narcissists feed off the knowledge that they are impacting another person emotionally. It feeds their sense of worth to break others down and spread their darkness within into another person, essentially poisoning other people’s minds. When a narcissist finds an empath, they have a “play toy,” to feed this deep need for causing harm to another. Not because of feeling it within themselves really, but because they enjoy it. They enjoy the control and power, and cannot handle when they do not have control and power over others. This control perception, when shattered, becomes rage. This is when things get difficult.
The first time I told my ex-husband that I was a Psychic, I spent the rest of the summer being gaslighted, abused, and watching him play the victim with everyone in our lives. He called me crazy and “sick in the head,” told me I was hallucinating his clear actions, and hearing things when he was having private conversations with the woman he was having an affair with at the time. He proceeded to tell me that he would kidnap (without using the word kidnap) the children and I would never find them or him again if I ever were to share with another person my gifts. He knew my Achilles’ heel, and used it as much as he possibly could against me. He was, is, and as far as I can see, will always be a person who cares solely about his own wants and needs and not anyone else’s. This would be something that I could easily let go and move on from, I am free and have been rescued from the hostility, abuse, and trauma of being his dutiful wife, if it weren’t for the fact that we have children together.
After a long custody battle in which his primary arguments were:
1. I was not being a parent for him.
2. Our daughter was too mentally unfit to be able to testify in court, that she was too “damaged” that she shouldn’t be allowed to have a voice.
He was able to manipulate the court into allowing visitation to resume under the argument that “child molesters and murderers see their children more than he does.” Direct comparison of himself with a child molester and murderer is what won out over the arguments of a medical doctor, a child Psychologist, and the children’s individual lawyer, also known as a Guardian Ad Litem. All these advocates, fighting to protect the children from their abuser, who admitted on the stand to “smacking” his children, who perjured himself on the stand only to laugh about it afterwards and state, “prove it,” and the courts determined that it was safe.
As a narcissist he knows how to play his cards right. Currently he is presenting himself as the “good guy” and the “victim” while simultaneously talking about how “your mom destroyed our relationship” and “I would do anything to take it all back.” He is throwing money at them, while not realizing or caring that the kids are having a harder emotional time, have been reacting poorly, are under his control and his abusive wife’s control once more, and the further from court we get, the bolder his actions and reactions become. He no longer cares because he got away with everything. So now he is free to continue to hit and trip the children. His wife is free to impede on the privacy of the kids and “bathe them” while they are in the shower. The control and manipulations have started once more, but what has changed is me. I am no longer remaining silent. I am no longer hiding away from his true nature, nor my own. He no longer has control over me.