Life Lessons with Monica: Listening to Your Intuition
I was perfectly content with waiting. Waiting for money troubles to lessen. Waiting for the outside world to take notice and read my words. Waiting for a miracle to manifest. Waiting for that strike of lightning to change the way that my life was going.
The morning of June 3, I got out of bed, fed up with drama from other people, exhausted by the blocks I perceived were in place, preventing me from moving forward, and more than a little defeated by the world as a whole. Feeling ready to throw in the towel on my dreams because nothing was changing, it was as though there was another part of me that simply took hold, and began to run the show. Life was a struggle, emotions heightened, and me, as a firm follower of the astrological planetary placements and the energetic implications of them, feeling as though Mercury Retrograde would suffocate and kill the hopes that I had fought so hard to take hold of, just wanted nothing to do with anything occurring around me anymore. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the sense that I needed to just take a leap of faith and change my life.
Texting my husband, David, I told him I had made a firm decision to move forward with self-publication of Chemistry with Kismet (https://amzn.to/3fZCjGr) and that I would forego the last piece of the book I was waiting to save the money for, and leave it out: song lyrics that changed my life. You see, there was a song that I discovered back in 2015, a song that changed my life, brought me comfort, and helped me to see I was not the only person who was seeking freedom from the life I was living, Be Set Free by Langhorne Slim. I had taken a chance at the end of April, 2021 and messaged the publicist for Langhorne Slim introducing myself and asking about the potential for using a small section of lyrics from Be Set Free in my upcoming teaching memoir.
I had done all the research. I knew that it was a one in a million (if not billion) chance that I would be able to use song lyrics in my book without it costing me a fortune, but I have taken up a new mantra in my life to help me overcome my anxiety and fear when stepping into the unknown and taking risks: “What is the worst that can happen? I am told no. At least I tried.” It has carried me through many decisions and chances I have taken in my life, some have resulted in true miracles, some have fallen flat, but every single time it was a chance I needed to take. Over the course of the next couple weeks from that initial email, I had many interactions with Langhorne Slim’s team, discussed my book, the content, the purpose of it, and why the lyrics truly meant so much to me that I did not want to replace them. Information exchanged, there was a request for a fee for the copyright permission for the lyrics. It was something that I was willing to pay, though truthfully I was simply too proud and too determined to have this occur for me to be willing to say that I could not afford the fee.
Determined to wait on publication, I knew what the amount was that I would need, I knew that my family was struggling financially, and I knew that I would have to wait, wait until something happened, wait for a miracle. Dreaming of winning the lottery, someone randomly coming across my blog and suddenly it would blow up, donations would flood in, and doors would open for me, I needed that sense of hope during the next month and a half. It was what kept my heart believing in miracles, believing in myself, and believing in the Universe. How my personal life was during that time, that hope was crucial for survival. It was crucial for me to remember that I wrote the book I knew I was meant to bring forth to the world, the book I knew would change not only my life but the lives of those who read it. It was crucial for me to remember the steps within the book as well, for those were the steps I continued to utilize every time my emotions and life would shift into difficulty, sadness, anxiety, and hopelessness.