Life Lessons with Monica: Transmuting Emotions
There was a full moon last week, July 23, 2021. The full moon happened to be the first of two to occur in the sign of Aquarius. This full moon had me completely drained energetically. There was a sick feeling in my stomach every day for the week leading up to it. As much as that feeling would have in the past led me to believe there was something bad coming, every time I began to go down that rabbit hole’s way of thinking, I would hear, “Everything is okay, everything is happening as it is meant to, worry not, for things are working that you cannot see but are able to feel.” There was such love emanating from those words I was hearing, a warmth from my heart center spreading through my entire being, and a calm that would settle directly into my Solar Plexus chakra alleviating the nausea. During those times I struggled to learn what movement forward I was meant to make, what lessons I was called to share, what messages were coming in. Everything just seemed so cloudy and emotional.
I took to TikTok during this time. Suddenly being gripped with a sense that there was something I was meant to be doing on the app, short messages I was meant to be sharing, and interactions I needed to have, whether those interactions were “good” or “bad” for me, it was all a lesson I was being called to learn. It was not necessarily the lesson I wanted to learn, but it was most certainly the one that I truly needed during this tumultuous time. All during this I was adjusting to a Karuna Ki Master attunement, and had just recently received my birthday gift, a moldavite and peridot ring. It was a true energetic, “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am,” time for me. That was when I received my third sign that it was time for me to get involved in a group healing session. It just so happened that Victor Oddo was hosting a Somatic Release Breathwork Ceremony with his wife with an integration session that I finished up on Sunday.
As soon as I received my third sign, I turned to my husband and asked him about giving me the time (we have four kids and live in constant, joyful chaos) to experience this ceremony and the follow up for it. After working everything out, I started to get in my head about what I had actually signed up for, how it would actually help me, what it could possibly do for me that I couldn’t do for myself. I was so ingrained in my hermit mode, tucked away from the outside world, accustomed to people coming into my life and then leaving my life, me moving beyond friendships and relationships that I could no longer remain in, and getting stuck in the belief that I simply didn’t belong anywhere but to myself. Now I was taking steps to connect to a group of complete strangers, led by a man whose guidance has been a light in the darkness for me many times over. This was a risky move in my book, something that took me completely out of my comfort zone, and crippled me with self-doubt.
I was lying in my bed, breathing deeply for minutes that seemed to stretch into hours, days, weeks, years of my life. Emotions bubbling to the surface, unidentifiable, so I was unable to separate one emotion from the other, and all I was left with was feeling them all. I cried. I mean, really, really cried. I cried for things I had lost, opportunities, homes, lives I thought I was meant to live, and for the people I had lost, the mourning I never allowed myself to truly feel because of a false belief and perception that I was not worthy of mourning when I believed it was my fault for the deaths and losses. I mourned my younger self for all she endured, all the trauma, all the pain, all the sorrow, and most of all, her silence. The secrets she had to keep, the words she never allowed to escape from her lips, and the voice she was never given before. I wept in release and relief. At the end of the breathing portion of the ceremony, there were a stream of messages coming in telling me why I was so clouded.
Usually when I have a direct message for my healing, I will not share that with anyone aside from my husband, but I learned that in doing that I was still silencing myself. Today, I am here to tell you what I heard for it is something I learned that many people struggle with.
Look at what you’ve done in only a year, look at all you are. There is nothing you cannot accomplish. Nothing asked of you is too much, nothing too great, and there will never be a situation where you are not enough. You can do this. Trust, clarity, and guidance. It’s here now. You can do this. You can do anything. It wasn’t okay, what happened, but see the strength you have from it and forgive yourself for not speaking up. You learned the lesson you needed. Forgive yourself as you have forgiven others.
Straight to the gut, up through the heart, this message hit home hard. It hurt to hear something that I thought was done and closed, well, it truly wasn’t. Pulled out of me while in a safe space, held that way by Victor Oddo and his wife Patty, the truth slammed into my awareness and sent me into a loop of wondering, how do I forgive myself? It wasn’t until the night of the full moon, in my dream state, that I learned the way forward.
The night of July 23, I had one dream after another, all of them quite vivid, all of them intensely emotional. Each of the dreams were from my childhood, teenage years, as well as some of my adulthood years. I was reliving painful times that I had clamped down my emotions completely. I hid the truth of what I was feeling in those moments, determined not to be “too” anything for anyone, but to fit within the box of what was expected of me from others. During each of the dreams, I was feeling it all, and watching as black threads were pulled from my heart, my mind, my solar plexus chakra, as well as my auric field. It was a great release of emotions, thoughts, and negative behaviors (especially self-sabotage and self-doubt) from all that I was no longer meant to hold onto moving forward in my life. When I woke up in the morning, in my head I heard “transmuting emotions,” and I genuinely felt a million times lighter. As though God had swooped down to remove the things I was struggling so hard to remove for myself, leaving behind an explanation and deeper understanding of what happened and what others need to know.
Transmuting emotions is never an easy thing to do. For empaths, clairsentients, and transmuters especially, it can be an uphill battle leaving behind scars and a feeling of needing to withdraw from the world to protect themselves. Yes, those moments genuinely are needed, when we pull back, separate ourselves, and recharge our own energy and get back to what it is that we truly feel, but it isn’t how we are meant to live our lives in its entirety. Even if you do not feel you have these gifts, part of unlocking your own potential in this life, part of healing yourself, is transmuting emotions. It is all about going back to the origin of the pain, the negative thought processes, the trauma. Go back to the start, no matter when it was. For some, this could even entail past life regressions that are needed for it is something that your soul carried forth and you are the incarnation with the strength to do what prior ones were not able to before you. You relive the moments, relive but not reexperience. This is a key factor. You do not have to be within the image of who you were back then, you do not have to take on the burdens of that trauma and moment the way you did the first time. You go back, relive it as though it were a movie playing through your head, and when the moment hits in which you made one choice, the choice to not allow your emotions out, to not allow yourself to fully and truly feel, that is the point in which you allow yourself to FEEL.
Let all the pain, anger, rage, fear, sadness, loss, out of you. Cry all the tears you didn’t allow yourself to cry. Get the dormant emotions out from the lock and key you have kept them under and release them from your Self. As you are doing this, touch in to every aspect of how you feel, physically, mentally, emotionally, and energetically. Allow yourself to truly feel the level of release that you are giving to yourself, and trust. Trust in the fact that no matter what, you are not going to continue bearing these burdens any longer on your journey forward. You are transmuting the emotions, you are taking them, feeling them, releasing them, and opening yourself up to a new way of walking through your life and a new face you are bringing into the world. Trust that you are able to go through this, that you are being led to do this for a purpose, and that you are being protected through this process. This is truly a gift you are giving to your soul, opening yourself up for transformation, growth, and healing. The time of holding on to the old pains is now coming to an end, and you are being called to something different, something greater, and you now have a path forward into becoming who you truly are, not only within but also on the outside.